I am a former White Collar Wife writing about my experience of recovery.

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     I began blogging on the subject of white collar wives after experiencing the devastating consequences of my, (former), husband's financial crime.  My goal was to reach other women who are suffering or have suffered as I did so that they wouldn't have to walk this dark and uncertain path alone. The blog also serves to educate the public regarding the stigma wives and families face as a result of guilt by association.  The truth is that wives and children are the FIRST victims of many white collar crimes as a result of the acute breach of trust and ensuing financial ruin that is brought upon them by a man whose primary obligation is to protect his family.  As a result of the positive response to my blog essays I created a private on-line support group, The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives.  The purpose of the group is to provide a safe and private place of acceptance and empowerment. Our community continues to grow both nationally as well as internationally.  Please contact me at lawlerlisa1@gmail.com for a private screening into the group. (A request made directly to the group page will not be accepted). 

     In addition to my advocacy work on behalf of white collar wives and families I have developed a lecture on ethics in the workplace. I urge all who are serious about compliance and risk to contact me for a compelling hour of "Truth and Consequences: Easy Money Isn't Easy" from a new voice with a new perspective on enforcement. Humans are vulnerable to many temptations and too often fail to consider the dire consequences one bad decision can have on their and their families lives. 

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Friday, December 6, 2013

MERRY CHRISTMAS??

Doing the Best We Can With What We've Got


Here we are again smack dab in the middle of another holiday season. Trees are going up and homes are being decked with lights and decorations. People around you are making their plans with family and friends to attend and host holiday parties. They're shopping for gifts for their loved ones and generally speaking, having a jolly old time just as you and your family did not so long ago. But I have a feeling the last thing you want to do at this point is celebrate a festive holiday. Regardless of where you are in the process of dealing with your husband's/exe's legal issues/incarceration, celebrating the holidays is not exactly at the top of your list. Your finances are already strained to their limits, (and beyond), and you are likely down to your last nerve. You'll be pushing it to get a holiday meal on the table let alone gifts under the tree for your kids. You're already carrying a very heavy load and the added pressure to "perform" for the holidays will only bring additional stress and that's the last thing you need. So I suggest that you give yourself permission to do as much as you can but go no further. While it's important for children to celebrate Christmas in the traditional ways, (it's a time of great expectations for young children), you also need to keep up your reserves because the holidays will come and go and the financial and emotional toll this time of year brings can be devastating for you. The best gift you can give your children this year is to go easy on yourself and not get bogged down in a depression that will take weeks to recover from. So maybe this is the year to begin some new holiday traditions with your family that aren't quite as taxing as those of Christmas's past. Instead of putting up a tree, (too darn expensive!), get the the kids together and build a gingerbread house. Or bake some cookies and get the kids involved in decorating them. Watch favorite holiday movies together. Go to an evening caroling service at a local church. That always fills me up with the spirit of Christmas. Leave behind the traditional hustle and bustle of the season and utilize this holiday to lower your expectations and count your blessings. I know it may not seem like it and it took me a very long time to realize this but there are still some silver linings to be found in the old and tattered pockets of our lives. So don't shy away from experiencing this holiday season. Life is different now and as such so is the way you celebrate this holiday with your family.  And really, it's the memories you create together as a family that your children will look back upon with fondness and not what gifts they did or didn't get. The truth is that you are the most precious gift of all to your children, and they know it. 

Merry Christmas.
 
-Lisa