Thursday, October 2, 2014


This is the second in a series of essays written by the women in my group The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives. These essays describe their experience of the day their husbands were arrested or incarcerated. This kind of horrific event causes a shift in the family that is so profound that the aftershocks last a lifetime.


The day my husband was arrested still seems like a really bad dream.  We had just arrived home from visiting a friend in another state.  We were taking luggage into the house and there was a loud knock on our door.  Thinking it was a neighbor we opened to see two US Marshalls who were part of the six who served the search warrant 4 months before.

They told my husband he was under arrest, the whole bit.   They handcuffed him because it is procedure of course, just the same as if he had murdered someone.  I remember thinking that I wished I were dead at that moment.  This is a man who had done so many good things and now was being destroyed by a really bad decision and unfortunately we were all going with him.

I prayed that no one would be outside when they took him to the car.  It is the same quiet middle class neighborhood where we raised our kids.  So many wonderful memories now being altered by this very bad memory.

As they closed the door behind them I remember falling into a heap on the floor and sobbing, feeling very alone and completely hopeless.  What was going to happen to our family?  How are we going to survive emotionally, financially and mentally?  Are they going to take the house, the car, seize the tiny bit of money we have left after my husband lost his job?  The unknown is so overwhelming you don't think that you can take it.

The Lost Wife