Sunday, January 4, 2015


     Being a white collar wife means that you are constantly readjusting your life to accommodate the ever changing landscape of everyday living within the confines of what I call, "the white collar crime machine".  Each stage of the process, (and it is a very long process), brings with it new challenges. In the beginning you must endure the excruciating wait as the slow wheels of justice can take years just to get to the indictment phase.  Then there is the constant wonder of how long your husband's sentence will be. What will become of your family while he's away? Can your marriage survive a long separation, especially under such dire circumstances? How will you live without your loved one emotionally as well as financially? Why did this happen? How could he do this? How will my children survive the sins of their father? There are no easy answers for any of these questions but every step of the way wives must keep the faith that all is not lost. They must also learn to normalize a very abnormal and fluid existence for the sake of their family.

      Most living organisms learn to adapt to their ever changing environment no matter how inhospitable as a means of survival. White collar wives are no different. It's hard enough to have to adapt to the expected gradual changes of life but white collar wives must adjust to frequent and nearly uninhabitable shifts in their lives without warning. With each shift comes more normalizing as they must right their ship with every pounding wave that threatens to send their family to the bottom of the sea. The struggle to stay upright is as constant as it is brutal. It is financially and emotionally draining on all family members. What once was an existence of comfort and security and the ability to depend on a future of "normal shifts" has now become a never ending nightmare that you can never awake from. Each phase of the white collar crime machine brings with it another set of seemingly insurmountable circumstances that must be dealt with and normalized. As each phase becomes a part of your life it gets blended into all of the other parts that have come before it. This then becomes "the new normal" which really is nothing more than an unrecognizable mess you now call your life. 

     Most white collar wives have become adept at the legal process and our knowledge could rival any trained paralegal on the planet. From grand juries to plea deals to prison protocol, white collar wives are experts in their decidedly unchosen field of study. But that and a dime won't buy us a cup of coffee. This knowledge does, however, help other white collar wives who are new to the white collar crime machine and is shared in The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives. This closed face book group continues to grow in number and the supportive nature of the group helps white collar wives to no longer feel alone.

     There are thousands of white collar wives in need of support all over the world. I know this because I hear from them regularly. White collar crime isn't something that one deals with and then it is gone. It is a life sentence for every family member of just getting through to the next phase and then living with the aftermath for the rest of your life. There is no escape. There is only the next new normal.