I am a former White Collar Wife writing about my experience of recovery.

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     I began blogging on the subject of white collar wives after experiencing the devastating consequences of my, (former), husband's financial crime.  My goal was to reach other women who are suffering or have suffered as I did so that they wouldn't have to walk this dark and uncertain path alone. The blog also serves to educate the public regarding the stigma wives and families face as a result of guilt by association.  The truth is that wives and children are the FIRST victims of many white collar crimes as a result of the acute breach of trust and ensuing financial ruin that is brought upon them by a man whose primary obligation is to protect his family.  As a result of the positive response to my blog essays I created a private on-line support group, The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives.  The purpose of the group is to provide a safe and private place of acceptance and empowerment. Our community continues to grow both nationally as well as internationally.  Please contact me at lawlerlisa1@gmail.com for a private screening into the group. (A request made directly to the group page will not be accepted). 

     In addition to my advocacy work on behalf of white collar wives and families I have developed a lecture on ethics in the workplace. I urge all who are serious about compliance and risk to contact me for a compelling hour of "Truth and Consequences: Easy Money Isn't Easy" from a new voice with a new perspective on enforcement. Humans are vulnerable to many temptations and too often fail to consider the dire consequences one bad decision can have on their and their families lives. 

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Saturday, November 16, 2013

GUILT BY ASSOCIATION




GUILT BY ASSOCIATION

Guilt by association is a common occurrence among white collar wives. Being married to or divorced from a white collar criminal means that to some degree, whether real or imagined, we have a target on our backs. What the public doesn’t understand is that we are victims too. The lives we led were filled with lies and betrayal. And not only do we have to endure the heartache of this betrayal and the legal ramifications of our husband’s criminal actions, we also have to manage the pain and suffering of our children.   

     Most women have no idea of their husband’s criminal activity but they and their families have to endure the grueling process of the legal system. There are investigations to get through, grand juries and indictments, criminal trials or plea deals and ultimately, in most cases, incarceration. Our lives have been pulled out from under us. In many cases we lose our homes, friends and the life we spent years building. And as if all of that isn’t enough we have to be scrutinized by the public. We didn’t ask for any of it and while we aren’t the ones going to prison we have to suffer the consequences and pay a very high price ourselves because the man we are/were married to has proven to be a menace to society. And if the crime deprived anyone of their pension or caused individuals extreme financial hardship we feel the guilt because the person who perpetrated the crime was someone we trusted ourselves. We feel bad about it and are helpless to do anything to make amends financially or otherwise. 

     If you suffer from guilt by association you are not alone. With time comes healing and as you forge a new life and become stronger in your own sense of self your feelings of guilt will begin to subside.