Being a white collar wife means that you are constantly readjusting your life to accommodate the ever changing landscape of everyday living within the confines of what I call, "the white collar crime machine". Each stage of the process, (and it is a very long process), brings with it new challenges. In the beginning you must endure the excruciating wait as the slow wheels of justice can take years just to get to the indictment phase. Then there is the constant wonder of how long your husband's sentence will be. What will become of your family while he's away? Can your marriage survive a long separation, especially under such dire circumstances? How will you live without your loved one emotionally as well as financially? Why did this happen? How could he do this? How will my children survive the sins of their father? There are no easy answers for any of these questions but every step of the way wives must keep the faith that all is not lost. They must also learn to normalize a very abnormal and fluid existence for the sake of their family.
Most living organisms learn to adapt to their ever changing environment no matter how inhospitable as a means of survival. White collar wives are no different. It's hard enough to have to adapt to the expected gradual changes of life but white collar wives must adjust to frequent and nearly uninhabitable shifts in their lives without warning. With each shift comes more normalizing as they must right their ship with every pounding wave that threatens to send their family to the bottom of the sea. The struggle to stay upright is as constant as it is brutal. It is financially and emotionally draining on all family members. What once was an existence of comfort and security and the ability to depend on a future of "normal shifts" has now become a never ending nightmare that you can never awake from. Each phase of the white collar crime machine brings with it another set of seemingly insurmountable circumstances that must be dealt with and normalized. As each phase becomes a part of your life it gets blended into all of the other parts that have come before it. This then becomes "the new normal" which really is nothing more than an unrecognizable mess you now call your life.
Most white collar wives have become adept at the legal process and our knowledge could rival any trained paralegal on the planet. From grand juries to plea deals to prison protocol, white collar wives are experts in their decidedly unchosen field of study. But that and a dime won't buy us a cup of coffee. This knowledge does, however, help other white collar wives who are new to the white collar crime machine and is shared in The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives. This closed face book group continues to grow in number and the supportive nature of the group helps white collar wives to no longer feel alone.
There are thousands of white collar wives in need of support all over the world. I know this because I hear from them regularly. White collar crime isn't something that one deals with and then it is gone. It is a life sentence for every family member of just getting through to the next phase and then living with the aftermath for the rest of your life. There is no escape. There is only the next new normal.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Friday, December 12, 2014
WHITE COLLAR CRIME CREATES A DEDICATED INDUSTRY
In the old days, before white collar crime became so prevalent or
public, the only players were the perp, the families which are seldom ever
mentioned and seen only as accomplices, his or her employer, attorneys, the courts and of course the
prison gate keepers. But these days given our global economy and fingertip access to information 24/7 we are continuously bombarded with the latest corporate
corruption or the lone wolf who has been indicted for bribery, fraud, embezzlement or has ripped off his nearest and dearest
with a bogus investment scheme. This behavior used to draw gasps of horror and cries for justice but now financial malfeasance has simply become a part of our mainstream culture. In fact a broad, booming industry has emerged as a result of this avalanche of acute fiduciary breach as there are countless journalist, bloggers, speakers, watchdog groups, think tanks and workshop leaders who have all found a niche in the arena of white collar crime. Even white collar ex-cons are jumping on the money train and with good reason as they come out of prison with nothing
but the shirts on their backs and a need to find work. In many cases
their families have long since moved on to more trusting relationships
and these guys are left without a penny to their name. Finding
employment can be next to impossible as they are just a cori check away
from being unemployable. So what do they do? They step right up onto the
white collar crime ladder to success with their books and speaking engagements based on their own cautionary tales. And why shouldn't they because who knows
better than an inside man when it comes to internal control issues. The financial rewards can be pretty good and let's face it, they are experts in their field.
There was a group of guys in our neighborhood who used to jam together on the weekends and ended up forming a band and named it White Collar Criminals after my husband and another woman in our small suburban Boston town who had been indicted for white collar crime. Two well known figures in one small town within the same year indicted for embezzlement. Must be an epidemic. The band will never get rich but they do get paid gigs on the weekends. Once again, white collar crime pays!
But for me there is no monetary incentive because my purpose is more altruistic. As a former white collar wife I am an advocate whose goal is to reach as many white collar wives as possible so that they don't have to suffer in silence and feel as alone and ashamed as I did. I "came out" because somebody finally had to open the door so that others could walk through. White collar wives are in hiding by the thousands not only because of their own shock and awe but because the stigma that is placed upon them is insurmountable. As the first victims of white collar crime, (and arguably the most damaged), the majority of us suffer from acute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because the bomb that exploded in our lives sends shock waves that reach far beyond anything that is remotely manageable and the ensuing paralysis makes it nearly impossible to lead normal lives. But nobody ever speaks about us because we are in fact what I call, "Wall Street's other dirty little secret."
White collar wives and families are broken people in need of restorative care. Seven years ago I was desperate for someone or something to help guide me through the struggle of being a white collar wife. With the epidemic of greed and punishment growing every day I thought it would be easy to find a community of women who were experiencing what I was going through. Unfortunately my relentless search only turned up a fictionalized book written by a former white collar wife. Her story was more aligned with Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm than any white collar wife I had ever heard of. The only thing we had in common was that our husbands were criminals. The heroine in her book was trying to come to terms with how to keep her multi million dollar home and her kids in private school so that she could show her friends and neighbors that she was going to survive in style! I was just barely hanging on trying not be out on the streets with my young son. To add insult to injury this woman ended her fictionalized story with a triumphantly happy ending by building a cupcake empire! I had never thrown a book at a wall before but there is a first time for everything. The book made the author enough money to stand on her feet and I applaud her efforts to save herself and her children. Although I could in no way relate to the story, I reached out to the author because I had been writing my own book for a few years, (no cup cakes in my book, just a balls to the wall look inside the lives of a family on the brink of extinction), and was in need of mentoring but she never bothered to get in touch. By all appearances she wasn't really interested in any solidarity or in helping anyone but herself. Perhaps her feeling was, (as Groucho Marx and later Woody Allen so famously said), "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member". A year later the author passed along my name to the then deputy editor in chief of O Magazine who wanted me to participate in a docu-series" based on white collar wives. "We've got to get you solvent Lisa!" the producer said to me and I agreed that that would be a good thing but mostly I wanted to find other white collar wives and this would be a great vehicle to flush them out. I appreciated the producers enthusiasm for the project and I thought a documentary on the subject was much needed. Then I learned that docu-series did not translate into documentary, rather it meant reality television. I tried to explain to the film makers that they were going to have a heck of a time casting their show because white collar wives don't want to be seen at the grocery store let alone appear on national television as fodder for the public once a week. And we don't prance around together in designer clothes or meet for lunch at expensive restaurants or have cat fights so the ratings would be fairly dismal. Needless to say, the show never got off the ground. But if anyone ever wanted to do a serious documentary on the subject of white collar wives, I'd be the first to sign up.
After my brief brush with potential fame and fortune I realized I was going to have to build a network of survivors myself. It had taken me five years to dig out of the trenches of my own inertia but I had done the hard work. I took control of my life and then a year ago I began blogging my heart out to the universe in hopes of finding "the others". I wanted them to know that there is a safe place to come and be heard and supported. But I received nothing but silence. I kept telling myself to keep shining the light so that other survivors could see it. And finally someone made contact. Then another, and then another. Like frightened wood nymphs venturing out of the forest, white collar wives now contact me regularly and it's always the same. "Please don't use my name." "I'm not ready for your group." "Nobody can know I'm here." "You don't understand, my story is different." I begin ever so slowly bringing these damaged souls out of the shaming shadows of darkness and into the light. I teach them how to cope with their PTSD and how to accept what has happened in their lives so that they can move forward and care for themselves and their children. My only reward is seeing these women gain their voices back, take up their space in the world, (sometimes for the first time in their lives), and pay it forward to others who are trying to navigate their way through the white collar crime machine. And I encourage these women to tell their stories. We all have a hell of a story to tell and although our tales have much in common, each of us has a unique voice. As for my book, as you all know by now, I'm still plugging away because I think it's important to have a non-fictionalized telling of what it's really like to be a white collar wife. Spoiler alert: No happy ending at the end of my book. And no cupcakes. Just the plain ugly truth. I may never finish it because my advocacy takes up most of my free time. There is currently a young women who is blogging her story based on her own experience of being a former white collar wife. I'll be interested to see how it goes. She's been following my blog for sometime and I'm glad she's now feeling the need to be heard as well. As I always say, build it and they will come.
I suspect that none of us white collar wives will ever get rich off the white collar crime express to success but we do hope that you will show us your compassion and help us along our way and listen to our stories. There are lessons to be learned and lives to be regained.
For all of you white collar wives who continue to hide in the shadows, please keep reaching out. I know you are afraid. I know you are suffering in silence and I know how alone you are. There is a safe and secure place where others just like you who have also been afraid have found their way to a community where there is no judgment or stigma. You will find unconditional acceptance and much needed sustenance. We have created a place of healing and we even enjoy a bit of levity from time to time. The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives is a place to call home for those of us who have long since lost our place in a world that is no longer recognizable to us. Please contact me at lawlerlisa1@gmail.com for a private interview.
As for the rest of you white collar warriors, keep doing what you do to inform, deter, and help eradicate white collar crime. And please remember that everyone deserves a second chance in life.
There was a group of guys in our neighborhood who used to jam together on the weekends and ended up forming a band and named it White Collar Criminals after my husband and another woman in our small suburban Boston town who had been indicted for white collar crime. Two well known figures in one small town within the same year indicted for embezzlement. Must be an epidemic. The band will never get rich but they do get paid gigs on the weekends. Once again, white collar crime pays!
But for me there is no monetary incentive because my purpose is more altruistic. As a former white collar wife I am an advocate whose goal is to reach as many white collar wives as possible so that they don't have to suffer in silence and feel as alone and ashamed as I did. I "came out" because somebody finally had to open the door so that others could walk through. White collar wives are in hiding by the thousands not only because of their own shock and awe but because the stigma that is placed upon them is insurmountable. As the first victims of white collar crime, (and arguably the most damaged), the majority of us suffer from acute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because the bomb that exploded in our lives sends shock waves that reach far beyond anything that is remotely manageable and the ensuing paralysis makes it nearly impossible to lead normal lives. But nobody ever speaks about us because we are in fact what I call, "Wall Street's other dirty little secret."
White collar wives and families are broken people in need of restorative care. Seven years ago I was desperate for someone or something to help guide me through the struggle of being a white collar wife. With the epidemic of greed and punishment growing every day I thought it would be easy to find a community of women who were experiencing what I was going through. Unfortunately my relentless search only turned up a fictionalized book written by a former white collar wife. Her story was more aligned with Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm than any white collar wife I had ever heard of. The only thing we had in common was that our husbands were criminals. The heroine in her book was trying to come to terms with how to keep her multi million dollar home and her kids in private school so that she could show her friends and neighbors that she was going to survive in style! I was just barely hanging on trying not be out on the streets with my young son. To add insult to injury this woman ended her fictionalized story with a triumphantly happy ending by building a cupcake empire! I had never thrown a book at a wall before but there is a first time for everything. The book made the author enough money to stand on her feet and I applaud her efforts to save herself and her children. Although I could in no way relate to the story, I reached out to the author because I had been writing my own book for a few years, (no cup cakes in my book, just a balls to the wall look inside the lives of a family on the brink of extinction), and was in need of mentoring but she never bothered to get in touch. By all appearances she wasn't really interested in any solidarity or in helping anyone but herself. Perhaps her feeling was, (as Groucho Marx and later Woody Allen so famously said), "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member". A year later the author passed along my name to the then deputy editor in chief of O Magazine who wanted me to participate in a docu-series" based on white collar wives. "We've got to get you solvent Lisa!" the producer said to me and I agreed that that would be a good thing but mostly I wanted to find other white collar wives and this would be a great vehicle to flush them out. I appreciated the producers enthusiasm for the project and I thought a documentary on the subject was much needed. Then I learned that docu-series did not translate into documentary, rather it meant reality television. I tried to explain to the film makers that they were going to have a heck of a time casting their show because white collar wives don't want to be seen at the grocery store let alone appear on national television as fodder for the public once a week. And we don't prance around together in designer clothes or meet for lunch at expensive restaurants or have cat fights so the ratings would be fairly dismal. Needless to say, the show never got off the ground. But if anyone ever wanted to do a serious documentary on the subject of white collar wives, I'd be the first to sign up.
After my brief brush with potential fame and fortune I realized I was going to have to build a network of survivors myself. It had taken me five years to dig out of the trenches of my own inertia but I had done the hard work. I took control of my life and then a year ago I began blogging my heart out to the universe in hopes of finding "the others". I wanted them to know that there is a safe place to come and be heard and supported. But I received nothing but silence. I kept telling myself to keep shining the light so that other survivors could see it. And finally someone made contact. Then another, and then another. Like frightened wood nymphs venturing out of the forest, white collar wives now contact me regularly and it's always the same. "Please don't use my name." "I'm not ready for your group." "Nobody can know I'm here." "You don't understand, my story is different." I begin ever so slowly bringing these damaged souls out of the shaming shadows of darkness and into the light. I teach them how to cope with their PTSD and how to accept what has happened in their lives so that they can move forward and care for themselves and their children. My only reward is seeing these women gain their voices back, take up their space in the world, (sometimes for the first time in their lives), and pay it forward to others who are trying to navigate their way through the white collar crime machine. And I encourage these women to tell their stories. We all have a hell of a story to tell and although our tales have much in common, each of us has a unique voice. As for my book, as you all know by now, I'm still plugging away because I think it's important to have a non-fictionalized telling of what it's really like to be a white collar wife. Spoiler alert: No happy ending at the end of my book. And no cupcakes. Just the plain ugly truth. I may never finish it because my advocacy takes up most of my free time. There is currently a young women who is blogging her story based on her own experience of being a former white collar wife. I'll be interested to see how it goes. She's been following my blog for sometime and I'm glad she's now feeling the need to be heard as well. As I always say, build it and they will come.
I suspect that none of us white collar wives will ever get rich off the white collar crime express to success but we do hope that you will show us your compassion and help us along our way and listen to our stories. There are lessons to be learned and lives to be regained.
For all of you white collar wives who continue to hide in the shadows, please keep reaching out. I know you are afraid. I know you are suffering in silence and I know how alone you are. There is a safe and secure place where others just like you who have also been afraid have found their way to a community where there is no judgment or stigma. You will find unconditional acceptance and much needed sustenance. We have created a place of healing and we even enjoy a bit of levity from time to time. The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives is a place to call home for those of us who have long since lost our place in a world that is no longer recognizable to us. Please contact me at lawlerlisa1@gmail.com for a private interview.
As for the rest of you white collar warriors, keep doing what you do to inform, deter, and help eradicate white collar crime. And please remember that everyone deserves a second chance in life.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
THE WHITE COLLAR CRIME MACHINE
For the past seven years, from the moment I wake up to the second I fall asleep the white collar crime machine eats away at my day as earnestly as a pac-man consumes his little white dots. Years ago it ran full time and shot at me relentlessly like a tennis ball machine on high speed. There were attorneys and detectives with side arms and a warrant and court dates and judges and phone calls from jail and letters of support to write, and gut wrenching fear every second of every day. But these days the machine runs on a much slower setting because now I am in control of it.
I begin my days by reading countless obligatory articles from the FCPA Blog, (as prolific a group as one could ever imagine), that take up an alarming amount of space in my in-box. Then it's on to the Wall Street Journal and several other compliance publications which seem to be growing in number daily. I do this because as a former white collar wife turned innocent spouse advocate it's vital that I keep informed of the ongoing machinations of corruption within mega corporations who are paying fines in the hundreds of millions of dollars for "alleged" non-compliance issues as a result of fraud, bribery or out and out debauchery. Sometimes, (more often of late), where there is corruption within an organization there's an executive who gets hauled off to prison and consequently there is usually a wife and family in need of mentoring.
There was a time, in a life far, far away from the one I now lead when my reading materials of choice consisted of the best selling book du-jour, Vanity Fair and, (I'm ashamed to say), People Magazine. It's been many years since I've as much as glanced at any of these as my interests lie elsewhere these days and reading the financial news has become as routine as brushing my teeth. I cannot NOT be well versed on current events in the world of financial news because someone may ask me, (as recently happened during an interview I was giving to a Wall Street Journal reporter), "did you read that article in the Washington Post today"? While I was aware of the piece he was referring to I had not finished it in it's entirety because let's face it, there simply are not enough hours in a day to get through all the financial news within a twenty four hour cycle.
Next up on my white collar crime machine schedule is to check in with the women in my group, The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives where I was the only member for a very long time. But now there are several members who give and receive support as readily as if we had all been the best of friends for many years. It is a place of comfort and understanding. A place where we can honor and mourn our past lives and try to rise above what is and not what is no longer.
Then there's the blogging. There was a time, before I really knew about blogging, when out of sheer frustration in my quest to find answers or comrades when I would simply Google words hoping for some kind of connection; "white collar wife"; "embezzlement"; "is there anybody out there like me!!!!???"; and finally, "HELP!". I never found what I was looking for but I came close a couple of times when I discovered a few old blogs from other white collar wives but they had all long since been abandoned, each with only one or two entries and no comments. They too had sought out anyone who cared and came up empty like me. So like the sole inhabitant of a vacant planet I took on the stance of build it and they will come and began my own blog which for me was akin to knocking on the door of the universe asking for someone to hear me.It's been a year now and my blog has attracted many followers, (from all over the world to my surprise), and I am grateful and even somewhat intimidated by that fact. And slowly but surely several white collar wives have crawled out of the shadows and joined my group as a result of the blog. I know there are thousands of white collar wives who are desperately seeking support and so I continue to seek them out wherever I can because trying to navigate through the white collar crime machine waters is frightening and is not a journey one should take without an experienced guide. We're talking level 6 water here folks.
As the machine rolls along, I set aside a part of each day to attempt to network with others in the field of compliance and deterrence. My ability is limited at this stage so I mostly try to read as much as I can on-line and respond as effectively as I can in the comment sections of others blogs or articles. I'm terrible at Twitter but recently updated my Linkedin profile in hopes of gaining some recognition as an expert in my field. And I've been fortunate to have been asked to be a guest blogger on occasion which has helped to increase my visibility. If my blog were as worthy I would have returned the favor.
I also provide private coaching for white collar wives. These women contact me because of my blog or are referred to me by a colleague. As a white collar crime veteran I'm happy to assist where I can and provide insights and mentoring that were not afforded to me in the early to mid stages of my own journey. Some of the women end up joining my group and some prefer to remain in the shadows. It is of course, their call to make.
And last but certainly not least is the time I spend worrying about my son. About his future. About the profound damage that has been done to him as a result of his father's crime and the subsequent fallout he has had to endure. My child's soul-wound is deep and I often find myself longing for the old days when I could convince him that the monster under his bed was imaginary and he felt safe in his own home. I hope someday he will be able to move past this chapter of his life to a time where the damage done has become a part of his improved self rather than his impoverished past. I pray every day that I will live long enough to see this happen. He and I have traveled a very long road together and we still have quite a ways to go before we reach our destination.
As you can see, the white collar crime machine continues to take up an inordinate amount of my time on a daily basis. Truth be told I'd rather not know anything about it because it turns out there was a monster hiding under our beds all along and it's scarier that anything we could have imagined. But as the days and years have passed I've slowly made my peace with the creature but that doesn't mean it's tame. Not by a long shot.
I begin my days by reading countless obligatory articles from the FCPA Blog, (as prolific a group as one could ever imagine), that take up an alarming amount of space in my in-box. Then it's on to the Wall Street Journal and several other compliance publications which seem to be growing in number daily. I do this because as a former white collar wife turned innocent spouse advocate it's vital that I keep informed of the ongoing machinations of corruption within mega corporations who are paying fines in the hundreds of millions of dollars for "alleged" non-compliance issues as a result of fraud, bribery or out and out debauchery. Sometimes, (more often of late), where there is corruption within an organization there's an executive who gets hauled off to prison and consequently there is usually a wife and family in need of mentoring.
There was a time, in a life far, far away from the one I now lead when my reading materials of choice consisted of the best selling book du-jour, Vanity Fair and, (I'm ashamed to say), People Magazine. It's been many years since I've as much as glanced at any of these as my interests lie elsewhere these days and reading the financial news has become as routine as brushing my teeth. I cannot NOT be well versed on current events in the world of financial news because someone may ask me, (as recently happened during an interview I was giving to a Wall Street Journal reporter), "did you read that article in the Washington Post today"? While I was aware of the piece he was referring to I had not finished it in it's entirety because let's face it, there simply are not enough hours in a day to get through all the financial news within a twenty four hour cycle.
Next up on my white collar crime machine schedule is to check in with the women in my group, The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives where I was the only member for a very long time. But now there are several members who give and receive support as readily as if we had all been the best of friends for many years. It is a place of comfort and understanding. A place where we can honor and mourn our past lives and try to rise above what is and not what is no longer.
Then there's the blogging. There was a time, before I really knew about blogging, when out of sheer frustration in my quest to find answers or comrades when I would simply Google words hoping for some kind of connection; "white collar wife"; "embezzlement"; "is there anybody out there like me!!!!???"; and finally, "HELP!". I never found what I was looking for but I came close a couple of times when I discovered a few old blogs from other white collar wives but they had all long since been abandoned, each with only one or two entries and no comments. They too had sought out anyone who cared and came up empty like me. So like the sole inhabitant of a vacant planet I took on the stance of build it and they will come and began my own blog which for me was akin to knocking on the door of the universe asking for someone to hear me.It's been a year now and my blog has attracted many followers, (from all over the world to my surprise), and I am grateful and even somewhat intimidated by that fact. And slowly but surely several white collar wives have crawled out of the shadows and joined my group as a result of the blog. I know there are thousands of white collar wives who are desperately seeking support and so I continue to seek them out wherever I can because trying to navigate through the white collar crime machine waters is frightening and is not a journey one should take without an experienced guide. We're talking level 6 water here folks.
As the machine rolls along, I set aside a part of each day to attempt to network with others in the field of compliance and deterrence. My ability is limited at this stage so I mostly try to read as much as I can on-line and respond as effectively as I can in the comment sections of others blogs or articles. I'm terrible at Twitter but recently updated my Linkedin profile in hopes of gaining some recognition as an expert in my field. And I've been fortunate to have been asked to be a guest blogger on occasion which has helped to increase my visibility. If my blog were as worthy I would have returned the favor.
I also provide private coaching for white collar wives. These women contact me because of my blog or are referred to me by a colleague. As a white collar crime veteran I'm happy to assist where I can and provide insights and mentoring that were not afforded to me in the early to mid stages of my own journey. Some of the women end up joining my group and some prefer to remain in the shadows. It is of course, their call to make.
And last but certainly not least is the time I spend worrying about my son. About his future. About the profound damage that has been done to him as a result of his father's crime and the subsequent fallout he has had to endure. My child's soul-wound is deep and I often find myself longing for the old days when I could convince him that the monster under his bed was imaginary and he felt safe in his own home. I hope someday he will be able to move past this chapter of his life to a time where the damage done has become a part of his improved self rather than his impoverished past. I pray every day that I will live long enough to see this happen. He and I have traveled a very long road together and we still have quite a ways to go before we reach our destination.
As you can see, the white collar crime machine continues to take up an inordinate amount of my time on a daily basis. Truth be told I'd rather not know anything about it because it turns out there was a monster hiding under our beds all along and it's scarier that anything we could have imagined. But as the days and years have passed I've slowly made my peace with the creature but that doesn't mean it's tame. Not by a long shot.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
THE NOUVEAU POOR: WHITE COLLAR WIVES AND FAMILIES
There's a special place in most people's heart for those that have fallen on hard times and are having a difficult time making ends meet. Especially if they are single mothers trying to raise children. For a single mom, keeping a roof over her family's head, putting food on the table a couple of times a day, clothing her kids and paying for heat and other essentials is a daily struggle. Most single mothers work outside the home and some also attend classes a few days a week in hopes of a better paying job which in turn means a better existence for her children. The remainder of her time is spent trying to raise responsible kids who have a shot at a successful future. Not having a partner to help support the household financially or in raising children is an enormous burden. Society tends to have compassion for women who find themselves in this kind of extreme hardship and even openly encourage these woman to make it for themselves as well as their children. That is, unless she is a white collar wife.
White collar wives are put into a category all by themselves as the general public takes a kind of morbid pleasure in the fall from grace of the abruptly impoverished. Because of the undue guilt by association the public lavishes upon them, white collar wives are seemingly exempt from any sympathy. This is quite unfair because not only do white collar wives have to endure the shame and horror of having their husband's secret lives revealed to them, they and their children must also share in the dire consequences of HIS crime both personally as well as publically. Through no fault of her own a white collar wife loses all financial security such as; loss of income; frozen assets/seizure and in many cases the loss of her vehicle and all household possessions. Many white collar wives lose everything but the clothes on theirs and their children's backs. Some end up liable for hundred's of thousands of dollars in taxes on their husband's fraudulent income if returns were filed jointly, which for married couples is usually the case. Ultimately, her partner and the father of her children is hauled off to prison, (sometimes for many, many years), leaving her to provide for and raise her children by herself. The white collar wife who has given up her prime earning years for the sake of her family is essentially suddenly rendered penniless. The shock and awe of this life changing event can cause even the strongest of women to collapse under the sheer weight of this burden.
For most white collar wives, returning to the paid workforce is a long and arduous process as new skills need to be learned and child care must be arranged and paid for. But how can one afford either if there is no income or "assistance" at hand? It's much more difficult than one thinks to gain public assistance for the newly impoverished. Just as one needs a good work history to obtain gainful employment it appears that one must demonstrate a history of poverty in order to obtain government benefits to help sustain a family during times of extreme financial hardship. The majority of white collar wives would rather bite off their own arm than ask for help and the little assistance they receive is hardly worth the miles of paperwork they must file. But like any other single mother trying to care for her children, white collar wives are in no position to turn down any help that comes their way while trying to climb out of the wreckage their lives have become and she should never be judged because of it.
Poverty becomes a way of life for many white collar families in the immediate and sometimes infinite future. So the next time you read about a white collar criminal, (trust me, they're in the news daily), being hauled off to prison, please consider the suffering families and the extreme hardships they are having to endure through no fault of their own. Being poor is hard enough but to have to be ridiculed on top of being poor, frightened, ashamed, heartbroken and mentality as well as physically exhausted is cruel and unusual punishment where there is no just cause. Lend a helping hand if and when you can and please don't judge white collar families harshly as they do not merit anything other than your compassion.
White collar wives are put into a category all by themselves as the general public takes a kind of morbid pleasure in the fall from grace of the abruptly impoverished. Because of the undue guilt by association the public lavishes upon them, white collar wives are seemingly exempt from any sympathy. This is quite unfair because not only do white collar wives have to endure the shame and horror of having their husband's secret lives revealed to them, they and their children must also share in the dire consequences of HIS crime both personally as well as publically. Through no fault of her own a white collar wife loses all financial security such as; loss of income; frozen assets/seizure and in many cases the loss of her vehicle and all household possessions. Many white collar wives lose everything but the clothes on theirs and their children's backs. Some end up liable for hundred's of thousands of dollars in taxes on their husband's fraudulent income if returns were filed jointly, which for married couples is usually the case. Ultimately, her partner and the father of her children is hauled off to prison, (sometimes for many, many years), leaving her to provide for and raise her children by herself. The white collar wife who has given up her prime earning years for the sake of her family is essentially suddenly rendered penniless. The shock and awe of this life changing event can cause even the strongest of women to collapse under the sheer weight of this burden.
For most white collar wives, returning to the paid workforce is a long and arduous process as new skills need to be learned and child care must be arranged and paid for. But how can one afford either if there is no income or "assistance" at hand? It's much more difficult than one thinks to gain public assistance for the newly impoverished. Just as one needs a good work history to obtain gainful employment it appears that one must demonstrate a history of poverty in order to obtain government benefits to help sustain a family during times of extreme financial hardship. The majority of white collar wives would rather bite off their own arm than ask for help and the little assistance they receive is hardly worth the miles of paperwork they must file. But like any other single mother trying to care for her children, white collar wives are in no position to turn down any help that comes their way while trying to climb out of the wreckage their lives have become and she should never be judged because of it.
Poverty becomes a way of life for many white collar families in the immediate and sometimes infinite future. So the next time you read about a white collar criminal, (trust me, they're in the news daily), being hauled off to prison, please consider the suffering families and the extreme hardships they are having to endure through no fault of their own. Being poor is hard enough but to have to be ridiculed on top of being poor, frightened, ashamed, heartbroken and mentality as well as physically exhausted is cruel and unusual punishment where there is no just cause. Lend a helping hand if and when you can and please don't judge white collar families harshly as they do not merit anything other than your compassion.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
COMPLIANCE OFFICERS, ROUND UP YOUR CHILDREN!!
As I continue my advocacy work on behalf of white collar wives I've begun to delve into the realm of corporate culture. You're likely asking yourself "what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like that?" The answer is simple. I needed to gain a better understanding of why financial crimes continue to make headlines on a weekly, (and often daily), basis. All I've come up with so far are more questions. Like, whose minding the store?
We've all heard the phrase and understand the importance of "tone at the top". I'm speaking to the choir when I say that a healthy tone means that there is good risk management in place and that compliance is strictly adhered to. And that it is of the utmost importace that there is not an overemphasis on profits at the expense of ethics. This is all just plain best business practices. But what if the tone of a corporation is not healthy? What if your company "tone" says do whatever it takes to get the job done? Where does your own ethical barometer fall within a corporation that sets a poor tone?
Compliance officers have the enormous task of implementing company policy and assuring that the "tone at the top" is delivered effectively to all employees. One of the most important functions of a CCO is to ensure that employees understand corporate codes of conduct and ethics and the dire consequences for non-compliance of company standards and practices. I don't have any fancy letters that follow my name such as, MBA, CPA, or SFO. In my profession the only three letters that follow my name are MOM. But the job of a CCO and a MOM are very similar. The main job of a MOM is to make sure that those we are responsible for are well mannered and follow the rules as outlined within the MOM "family guidelines" so that they can go out into the world and be able to navigate their surroundings optimally and contribute to the sustainability of a civil society. In order for this to occur there must be proper teaching of ethics, cause and effect as well as risk management. Without these lessons we simply set our children up to fail. Unfortunately there are some MOMs who do not teach their children these fundamental tenets and the consequence to us all is that many children, left to their own devices, will go out into the world and wreak havoc. Many will be incarcerated because of a lack of due diligence from the MOM. This ends up costing the family extreme heartache not to mention the millions of dollars spent annually housing inmates.
If MOMs are expected to raise law abiding citizens who are ethical as well as creative and productive contributors to society then CCOs should be expected to perform at the same level. We all have a job to do and to do less than is required is not acceptable. So, corporations and compliance officers, please help to keep our sons, daughters, mothers and fathers out of prison by keeping your "tone at the top" at it's highest possible level each and every day by not placing profitability over ethics and teaching your "children" well.
We've all heard the phrase and understand the importance of "tone at the top". I'm speaking to the choir when I say that a healthy tone means that there is good risk management in place and that compliance is strictly adhered to. And that it is of the utmost importace that there is not an overemphasis on profits at the expense of ethics. This is all just plain best business practices. But what if the tone of a corporation is not healthy? What if your company "tone" says do whatever it takes to get the job done? Where does your own ethical barometer fall within a corporation that sets a poor tone?
Compliance officers have the enormous task of implementing company policy and assuring that the "tone at the top" is delivered effectively to all employees. One of the most important functions of a CCO is to ensure that employees understand corporate codes of conduct and ethics and the dire consequences for non-compliance of company standards and practices. I don't have any fancy letters that follow my name such as, MBA, CPA, or SFO. In my profession the only three letters that follow my name are MOM. But the job of a CCO and a MOM are very similar. The main job of a MOM is to make sure that those we are responsible for are well mannered and follow the rules as outlined within the MOM "family guidelines" so that they can go out into the world and be able to navigate their surroundings optimally and contribute to the sustainability of a civil society. In order for this to occur there must be proper teaching of ethics, cause and effect as well as risk management. Without these lessons we simply set our children up to fail. Unfortunately there are some MOMs who do not teach their children these fundamental tenets and the consequence to us all is that many children, left to their own devices, will go out into the world and wreak havoc. Many will be incarcerated because of a lack of due diligence from the MOM. This ends up costing the family extreme heartache not to mention the millions of dollars spent annually housing inmates.
If MOMs are expected to raise law abiding citizens who are ethical as well as creative and productive contributors to society then CCOs should be expected to perform at the same level. We all have a job to do and to do less than is required is not acceptable. So, corporations and compliance officers, please help to keep our sons, daughters, mothers and fathers out of prison by keeping your "tone at the top" at it's highest possible level each and every day by not placing profitability over ethics and teaching your "children" well.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
WHITE COLLAR CRIME AND THE INNOCENT SPOUSE: EPILOGUE
I am relieved to report that after writing a very stern and convincing letter to the MA DOR, (along with re-filed innocent spouse paperwork), the suspension on my driver's license has been lifted. There is something terribly wrong with a system that would penalize an innocent spouse for a crime they did not commit and was never charged with. The overbearing and overreaching arm of the law wreaks havoc on lives and in many cases just doesn't make any sense. While this particular battle was won I will not be convinced that the war is over until I receive in writing that I have no obligation whatsoever in this matter. In other words, until I have letter in hand from the MA DOR that I am no longer liable in any way for the $464,000 in back taxes on my ex-husband's embezzled funds I will consider the matter unresolved. In the meantime, I am free to operate my vehicle without hindrance from the state of Massachusetts. Special thanks to the always helpful and ever resourceful Brad Bailey with Denner Pellegrino for the quick referral to a tax attorney should the need arise. Stay tuned...
Thursday, October 16, 2014
WHITE COLLAR CRIME AND INNOCENT SPOUSE PART II
Yesterday I filed no papers with the MA DOR. Instead I wrote a very stern letter explaining my reasoning for not wanting to file an application for hardship to pay and that I intended to take the matter to court. Applying for hardship to pay indicates that I acknowledge that I have a responsibility to pay when I do not. To now have to be liable for embezzled funds I knew nothing about and that afforded me no enhancement but rather only pain and suffering for my son and I just adds insult to injury. They should instead direct their billing to my ex-husband's former girlfriend who benefited greatly as I came to understand. In fact the only good thing that came out of this mess was that my then husband was jolted awake enough to be able to get out from under the grasp of his former gold-digging girlfriend who left nothing but wreckage in her path as far as our family was concerned. (I've never spoken publicly about her out of respect for myself and my son but think it's fitting to include her now. If I could sue her I would.) But I digress. I also requested an extension from the DOR to resolve this matter as I was only given a matter of days to either pay "my half" of $464,000 or make an arrangement to pay. The response I received was immediate. I was told to complete an abatement form which they must receive today. When I explained that I had done my due diligence three years ago in filing all innocent spouse forms I was told, "that was three years ago. Things have now changed." What did that mean? They could not say. As if it were any of my business. So today I will RE-FILE my paperwork in hopes that someone at the MA DOR has their wits about them. There is not even the slightest inkling that I knew of or had anything whatsoever to do with my husband's crime. The forensic accountants/investigators found no shred of evidence where I am concerned or they would have hauled me into jail along with my husband. Does the MA DOR not believe the Attorney General's office or have faith in their capabilities?
I will take this matter to the highest court to clear my name with the MA DOR and rid myself of this horrendous harassment once and for all. White collar wives have enough on our plates to last a lifetime, (literally), in trying to dig out from the fallout of what has happened to our and our children's lives. My ex-husband is extremely remorseful and is struggling to rebuild his life, his self-esteem, his relationship with our son and will have to live with the grave damage he has caused all of us for the remainder of his life. He knows the hell he has put his family through and in seeing the toll it continues to take on us is at times unbearable for him. Understandably. There are mistakes and then there are the hammer of hell mistakes. The former can often be remedied. Sadly, for the latter, there is none.
To anyone who is contemplating committing an illegal financial act, think again. There is nothing that money can buy that is worth having to deal with the consequences of being caught. It does nothing but create a lifetime of heartaches, headaches, loss of dignity, loss of sanity and familial and financial ruin.
Wish me luck. I'll certainly need it.
I will take this matter to the highest court to clear my name with the MA DOR and rid myself of this horrendous harassment once and for all. White collar wives have enough on our plates to last a lifetime, (literally), in trying to dig out from the fallout of what has happened to our and our children's lives. My ex-husband is extremely remorseful and is struggling to rebuild his life, his self-esteem, his relationship with our son and will have to live with the grave damage he has caused all of us for the remainder of his life. He knows the hell he has put his family through and in seeing the toll it continues to take on us is at times unbearable for him. Understandably. There are mistakes and then there are the hammer of hell mistakes. The former can often be remedied. Sadly, for the latter, there is none.
To anyone who is contemplating committing an illegal financial act, think again. There is nothing that money can buy that is worth having to deal with the consequences of being caught. It does nothing but create a lifetime of heartaches, headaches, loss of dignity, loss of sanity and familial and financial ruin.
Wish me luck. I'll certainly need it.
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